A Baseball Fan’s Guide to Super Bowl XLVI
Baseball fans it is getting close to that time of year when pitchers and catchers report to spring training but unfortunately we are not there yet. We are just about two and a half weeks away from that day and I for one cannot wait for it to finally get here. It’s been three months since the final out of the World Series and my baseball withdrawal has been in full effect since Halloween but there is a light in the distance. However, there is just one more hurdle that we need to jump before players start rolling into spring training and that hurdle is, wait for it, the Super Bowl. In case you are not aware it is the biggest TV night of the year, hundreds of millions of people will be tuning in to watch who will be the next NFL Champion or maybe just the commercials. Lucky for you I have some tips to help you understand it.
This will be Super Bowl XLVI, Super Bowl 46 (in baseball terms), the NFL (National Football League in case you didn’t know) likes to number their championship games and I can’t say that I really know why except maybe they always like to be reminded how many times they’ve done it before. This one will pit the New England Patriots (the Yankees) against the New York Giants (any team but the Yankees). The teams will play one game to decide who wins the championship. It’s kind of like the whole World Series wrapped into one game. Many people have parties, it’s okay to attend one if you are invited. Usually it’s a lot of fun because you get to eat a lot of food, drink a few beers and just spend time with other people. I would actually recommend going to a party if you want to make it through to spring training.
I’ve mentioned the match up but let’s take a closer look. Essentially the announcers are going to be talking about the two quarterbacks a lot so it’s important you know a thing or two about them. Tom Brady is the QB for the Patriots, he’s the pretty boy with the supermodel wife. He’s won approximately a million Super Bowls before and really doesn’t need another one. Eli Manning is the QB for the Giants, he’s the younger brother of Peyton Manning and son of Archie Manning (both QB’s, his dad is retired, don’t mess that up) and has only won one Super Bowl. They will compare these two a lot during the game and one question that will most definitely come up is who the better QB is. Feel free to choose either one or defer the question until the end of the game by saying: “The best QB will be on the winning team so let’s just wait and see.” That should end that discussion and people might actually think you know a lot about football. Now they will also talk about the coaches. Bill Belichick is the head coach for the Patriots, he wears a ratty old Patriots sweatshirt most of the time and is kind of like that evil genius in movies. Tom Coughlin is on the other side of the field he’s the one whose job is always in jeopardy and his face turns really red in the cold but that’s not a concern because this Super Bowl is in a dome. It will probably be a high scoring game since both teams have a high-powered offense so just think of it as a game at Coors Field before they put the balls in the humidor. That’s what you need to know about what will be on the field.
The biggest thing about the Super Bowl is the commercials. Companies will shell out nearly $3 million for a 30 second spot and will try to woo you with their witty advertising gimmicks. I hear the ads are going to be a little more racy than they have been in years past so I’m sure you’ll find one to your liking. The commercials are a lot like what those between inning graphics on the scoreboard are supposed to be doing, entertaining the non fans so they can enjoy the game too. Keep in mind that the commercials are a last resort for entertainment if you are a guy so make sure you keep your man card close at hand by trying to pay more attention to the game.
So let’s review:
- Super Bowl XLVI is Super Bowl 46.
- The New England Patriots are like the Yankees, they always win and I swear they cheat. Their QB is Tom Brady aka “pretty boy” and coached by Bill Belichick aka “Darth Vader.”
- The New York Giants are like any other team in baseball not named the Yankees, they don’t always win and are kind of like a team in the National League, focused more on defense. Their QB is Eli Manning, the younger brother trying to live up to his older brother and father’s legacy, think the Boones or Alous. Tom Coughlin is their coach, kind of like Ozzie Guillen, his job is always on the hot seat.
- Go to a party, it will be fun. How can free food and beer not be fun?
- The game is inIndianapolis, they’re not good enough to have a professional baseball team so I understand if you’ve never heard of it.
- There will be lots of commercials, think a game managed by Tony La Russa with his customary amount of pitching changes.
- Football has cheerleaders and they are much better than the Florida Marlins and the Man-A-Tees.
- Half time might be a good time to use the restroom because Madonna is performing, if you don’t know who that is then think a Jose Conseco who can sing.
The best news is that spring training is only a couple weeks away and it will be here before we know it. The Super Bowl can be an enjoyable experience for baseball fans but there isn’t anything quite like the game of baseball. Enjoy the Super Bowl and let’s hope that the Yankees, I mean the Patriots, don’t win again.
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