15 Hypothetical Athlete Fights We’d Love To See Happen

Tempers flare all the time in sports, but when tensions get too hot, somebody usually intervenes. Yeah, we see a few fights, but we don’t see complete fights. Sometimes, these bouts feature two people we don’t really care to see beefing anyway. But what if we could pluck any two athletes, make them furious with each other and then have them fight until tap out? I sincerely hope this is what you’d imagine:

15 Hypothetical Athlete Fights We’d Love To See Happen

Tempers flare all the time in sports, but when tensions get too hot, somebody usually intervenes. Yeah, we see a few fights, but we don’t see complete fights. Sometimes, these bouts feature two people we don’t really care to see beefing anyway. But what if we could pluck any two athletes, make them furious with each other and then have them fight until tap out? I sincerely hope this is what you’d imagine:

15. Kevin Love vs. LeBron James

Kevin Love and LeBron James just remind me of two polite schoolchildren who hate each other deep down inside. Oh, on the court it’s “Hi, how are you” and “I’m doing fine, how are you?” But at the end of the day you just know these two want to stab each other with their fists.

15. Kevin Love vs. LeBron James

Kevin Love and LeBron James just remind me of two polite schoolchildren who hate each other deep down inside. Oh, on the court it’s “Hi, how are you” and “I’m doing fine, how are you?” But at the end of the day you just know these two want to stab each other with their fists.

14. J.J. Watt vs. Vince Wilfork

We know J.J. Watt is a brick house, but we think Vince Wilfork might be a house of pancakes. Here’s how we’d find out: Watt vs. Wilfork, hulk vs. bulk, muscle vs. whatever it is that makes up Wilfork’s 325-pound frame.

14. J.J. Watt vs. Vince Wilfork

We know J.J. Watt is a brick house, but we think Vince Wilfork might be a house of pancakes. Here’s how we’d find out: Watt vs. Wilfork, hulk vs. bulk, muscle vs. whatever it is that makes up Wilfork’s 325-pound frame.

13. Bryce Harper vs. Mike Trout

Ask Harper just one clown question… and it’s on!

13. Bryce Harper vs. Mike Trout

Ask Harper just one clown question… and it’s on!

12. Zdeno Chara vs. The 1994 Vancouver Canucks

So here you have Chara, 6-foot-9, 256 pounds of pure Slovakia going against an aging collection of Canucks. Why would you ever want to see this happen? Because why not? Although odd, this is our hypothetical dreamland and we can dream up anything we want. I also think this fight would be pretty fair, at least in a ‘Gulliver’s Travels’ sort of sense.

12. Zdeno Chara vs. The 1994 Vancouver Canucks

So here you have Chara, 6-foot-9, 256 pounds of pure Slovakia going against an aging collection of Canucks. Why would you ever want to see this happen? Because why not? Although odd, this is our hypothetical dreamland and we can dream up anything we want. I also think this fight would be pretty fair, at least in a ‘Gulliver’s Travels’ sort of sense.

11. Frank Kaminsky vs. Jahlil Okafor

Frank the Tank versus the prospect NBA teams are tanking for; what a matchup! Only an inch of height separate the two (Kaminsky: 6-foot-11, Okafor: 6-foot-10) but a mile will soon separate them through winner’s bragging rights.

11. Frank Kaminsky vs. Jahlil Okafor

Frank the Tank versus the prospect NBA teams are tanking for; what a matchup! Only an inch of height separate the two (Kaminsky: 6-foot-11, Okafor: 6-foot-10) but a mile will soon separate them through winner’s bragging rights.

10. Stephen Curry vs. Klay Thompson

Even the best of buddies brew the darkest of storms. This fight would start off as just playful banter but would soon escalate to violent fury.

10. Stephen Curry vs. Klay Thompson

Even the best of buddies brew the darkest of storms. This fight would start off as just playful banter but would soon escalate to violent fury.

9. Nate Robinson vs. Sim Bhullar

I watched one high school wrestling match from first bout to final pin one night back in the 2000s. Ever since then, I’ve wondered “wouldn’t it be fascinating to see a squirrelly bantam take on a sweltering behemoth?” Perhaps it’s a love for the ‘David vs. Goliath’ narrative within me, or maybe it’s just because I think it’d be tirelessly hilarious.

9. Nate Robinson vs. Sim Bhullar

I watched one high school wrestling match from first bout to final pin one night back in the 2000s. Ever since then, I’ve wondered “wouldn’t it be fascinating to see a squirrelly bantam take on a sweltering behemoth?” Perhaps it’s a love for the ‘David vs. Goliath’ narrative within me, or maybe it’s just because I think it’d be tirelessly hilarious.

8. Alexander Ovechkin vs. Evgeni Malkin

No. 1 versus No. 2, at least from the 2004 NHL entry draft. I say we keep this hypothetical slugfest on the ice, let these two Russian All-Stars duke it out on skates. This fight will be ugly, yet somehow graceful.

8. Alexander Ovechkin vs. Evgeni Malkin

No. 1 versus No. 2, at least from the 2004 NHL entry draft. I say we keep this hypothetical slugfest on the ice, let these two Russian All-Stars duke it out on skates. This fight will be ugly, yet somehow graceful.

7. Tony Stewart vs. Dale Earnhardt Jr.

Tony Stewart is a few years older, but fights a few degrees dirtier. Dale Jr. doesn’t have half the temper of Stewart, so Earnhardt better get to drinking that Diet Mountain Dew.

7. Tony Stewart vs. Dale Earnhardt Jr.

Tony Stewart is a few years older, but fights a few degrees dirtier. Dale Jr. doesn’t have half the temper of Stewart, so Earnhardt better get to drinking that Diet Mountain Dew.

6. Cristiano Ronaldo vs. David Beckham

This would first look like a fish fight with all of the flopping, but as soon as both Beckham and Ronaldo realize that red cards are off the table, nothing becomes too extreme.

6. Cristiano Ronaldo vs. David Beckham

This would first look like a fish fight with all of the flopping, but as soon as both Beckham and Ronaldo realize that red cards are off the table, nothing becomes too extreme.

5. Rory McIlroy vs. Tiger Woods

Rory is now jacked and Tiger has been the pro golf beefcake for quite some time. Don’t expect McIlroy to go for the knees, that would be a bush-league Tiger move.

5. Rory McIlroy vs. Tiger Woods

Rory is now jacked and Tiger has been the pro golf beefcake for quite some time. Don’t expect McIlroy to go for the knees, that would be a bush-league Tiger move.

4. Peyton Manning vs. Roger Federer

Way too precise in their actions to be human, these men are both robots to me. And in case you didn't know, I live for robot fights.

4. Peyton Manning vs. Roger Federer

Way too precise in their actions to be human, these men are both robots to me. And in case you didn't know, I live for robot fights.

3. Pablo Sandoval vs. Prince Fielder

This fight won’t be over until the final jiggle.

3. Pablo Sandoval vs. Prince Fielder

This fight won’t be over until the final jiggle.

2. Russell Westbrook vs. Rajon Rondo

Have you ever seen two house cats fight each other? If you haven’t, you should probably check out this Westbrook/Rondo fight I’m about to promote.

2. Russell Westbrook vs. Rajon Rondo

Have you ever seen two house cats fight each other? If you haven’t, you should probably check out this Westbrook/Rondo fight I’m about to promote.

1. Rob Gronkowski vs. Rob Gronkowski

Seriously tell me you wouldn’t want to see “party mode” Gronk totally tearing into himself. Gronk slams some party fuel, then punches himself in the face, pulls his hair and climbs up onto a light fixture only to come slamming back down to the ground. This would be as oddly alluring as the ‘Liar Liar’ bathroom scene but with all the intensity of ‘Die Hard’ — and the Internet would erupt.

1. Rob Gronkowski vs. Rob Gronkowski

Seriously tell me you wouldn’t want to see “party mode” Gronk totally tearing into himself. Gronk slams some party fuel, then punches himself in the face, pulls his hair and climbs up onto a light fixture only to come slamming back down to the ground. This would be as oddly alluring as the ‘Liar Liar’ bathroom scene but with all the intensity of ‘Die Hard’ — and the Internet would erupt.