10 People I Want to See Ryan Dempster Throw At

Alex Rodriguez Is Not the Only Person Who Deserves to Get Hit

In the fallout of the Biogenesis scandal, Alex Rodriguez was suspended by Major League Baseball for 211 games. Rodriguez appealed the suspension, however, and has been allowed to play during the arbitration process which probably will not end until November or December – after the season is over.

Sports pundits debated the morality of allowing Rodriguez to play and fans of opposing teams, as well as New York Yankees fans, voiced their displeasure every time he stepped on the diamond. It was like the 2006 ALDS all over again.

Players, too, weighed in on the issue. Some, most notably John Lackey, were adamant that Rodriguez must serve his suspension like everyone else implicated in Biogenesis, while others claimed he has a right to his appeals process.

On August 18, Boston Red Sox pitcher Ryan Dempster took matters into his own hands by throwing at A-Rod not once, but twice, drilling him in the arm on the second attempt. The Beantown crowd issued cheers of satisfaction for Dempster and continued jeers for Rodriguez.

Though Dempster was not ejected, he was suspended for five games and there was a general consensus that he had no right to issue out his own punishment. That is not to say Rodriguez didn’t deserve it.

Unfortunately, we missed the Dempster-Rodriguez rematch at Yankee Stadium this past weekend as Dempster’s spot in the rotation didn’t come up.

Let’s be honest; Rodriguez is by no means the only baseball player, only athlete, or only famous person for that matter who deserves to get beaned by 93 mph fastball. In this spirit (hypothetical, of course), here are my top 10 people I want to see Ryan Dempster throw at in no particular order.

Gary Bettman

In his 20 year career as commissioner of the NHL, Bettman has seen three labor stoppages, including the cancellation of the entire 2004-05 season. All of the Big Four sports commissioners deserve to be on this list, but Bettman is the worst of them all.

I changed my mind. He don’t deserve to be hit by Ryan Dempster, he deserves to take a slap shot from Zdeno Chara.

Aaron Craft

I’m sick of this kid getting away with fouls just because of his reputation as “the best on ball defender in college basketball.” I want him to get hit right in his stupid pink cheeks – although he’d probably draw a charge on the baseball.

John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman

John Sterling has a great voice for radio, but he's horrible doing play-by-play. His puns when a Yankee hits a home run just make you shake your head. The only person who might be even more useless in a radio booth is his co-anchor, Suzyn Waldman. The two of them make it impossible to listen to a Yankees game. No matter how bad the New York Mets are every year, their fans can take solace in the fact that they always have something to make fun of the Yankees for: Their radio broadcasters. They are embarrassing. Goodness gracious!

Kevin Garnett

He’s always the loudest when he’s picking on a rookie or some European player. Trash talk is great; hell, it’s a part of the game. But calling Charlie Villanueva a cancer patient? C’mon KG, how about a little creativity? And you won’t even shake Ray Allen’s hand? The two of you won a championship together. Going to the Miami Heat wasn’t personal; he’s a professional basketball player – it’s his job and the NBA is a business.

You deserve a heater right to those knees which you’ve worn down over the years pointlessly blocking all those practice shots.

Fred and Jeff Wilpon

There have been terrible owners before, but to also be a part of Bernie Madoff’s Ponzi scheme? Fred, allowing your son, who has zero baseball-credentials, to be a part of the New York Mets talent evaluation and player development is absurd – you traded away Scott Kazmir for Viktor Zambrano because of him.

For torturing my father, brother, sisters and Mets fans everywhere, you both deserve to get hit square in the kidney. Or, you know, you could just sell the team to Mark Cuban.

Richard Sherman

Richard Sherman doesn’t know when to shut up. He says his numbers speak for themselves, but he does a whole lot more talking anyway.

I’m glad Trent Williams punched you after your playoff game last year because, truthfully, you deserved it. Starting Twitter wars with Darrelle Revis? Chasing down Tom Brady – one of the best QBs ever – during your second year in the league? You made me take Skip Bayless’ side on something. Nobody makes me take Skip Bayless’ side! Nobody! Ryan Dempster should bring you a high hard one.

Justin Bieber

No explanation necessary.

John McCain

I wanted to keep this apolitical, but – playing poker on your phone during a congressional hearing on whether or not to take action in Syria? You’re a war hero, McCain, you should know better.

Angel Hernandez

Umpires can be evaluated the same way as an offensive lineman in the NFL – if the people watching on TV don’t know your name, you’re doing a good job. Angel Hernandez is as well-known as most players because of his horrible calls.

MLB introduced instant replay on home run disputes to ensure the correct call is made, yet you robbed Adam Rosales of a home run and refused to change the call even after replay clearly showed the ball went over the wall? If the Oakland Athletics miss the playoffs by one game this year, I’ll have no need for you on this list anymore because someone in Oakland will probably murder you.

DeSean Jackson

You are one of the cockiest and dumbest players in the league. How many excessive celebration penalties can one player get? How many times are you going to cost your team by showboating? Just because you’re fast doesn’t mean you can act like a punk to the opposing team and to the officials who flag you for taunting.

Get ready for some chin music.

Honorable Mention

Abandoning your home town team and taking your talents to South Beach to play with two other NBA All-Stars, not to mention announcing it on a national television special and promising “not one, not two, not three, yada yada yada," makes you deserving of a heater right to rib cage.

But he's won two championships so hating on him seems pointless. At this point I'd rather sit back and watch how freakishly good he can actually be. Plus, he put Team USA on his back in the Olympics and brought home the gold for ‘Merica. If I wasn’t so patriotic your ass would be grass, LeBron.

Also on the Honorable Mention list is Miami Heat fans. All of them -- all of them deserve to get hit. However, they don't exist.

Bonus: Ryan Dempster

I realize this is physically impossible, but seriously, you had your chance with the first pitch and you blew it. You don’t get a second shot just because you have a 3-0 count and first base is open. You should have gotten tossed right away.

And who are you to throw at Alex Rodriguez? You do a great Harry Caray impression, but that doesn’t give you the clout to dish out vigilante justice like your baseball’s Batman. I wish you played in the National League so Aroldis Chapman could knock you on your ass.