10 Things to Know Before Your First MLB Game

Opening Day is less than a month away and if you’ve never been to a professional baseball game, then you don’t know the joy of watching eighteen men compete over a tiny white ball. America’s Pastime is also America’s best way to spend an afternoon (or evening as is more often the case these days). MLB tickets are your pass to relaxation, but if you’ve never visited Fenway, Wrigley, or the other temples of the long ball, you might not know what to expect. That’s where we come in. Here are ten things to know before your first MLB game.

Foul balls and home runs are yours to keep, but there are rules…
Unlike football and basketball, if a baseball ends up finding you in the stands, it’s yours to keep. This free souvenir is great, but you have to keep a few rules in mind. First, if you’re near a kid that’s under the age of 8, you better give the ball to the kid. Second, you have to actually buy tickets to the sections where you’re more likely to catch a ball (outfield for home runs, upper deck for fouls). You can’t just migrate over there and stand in front of somebody else’s seat.

Nobody really stretches during the 7th Inning Stretch.
You can stand, sure, but don’t start breaking out your full range of calisthenics when “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” starts playing. The 7th Inning Stretch is a great baseball tradition with a murky history and it’s a great time to go get a hot dog if you’re not much for singing.

Cut the “Hey, Batter Batter” schtick.
You’re not Ferris Bueller. If you try to taunt the other team by yelling “Hey, batter batter” more than once a game, expect the fans sitting around you to pummel you like the tool that you are. This doesn’t apply if you’re either (a) Matthew Broderick or (b) incredibly big and strong.

Limit your excursions to one trip.
If you get up more than two times during a game, may Mickey Mantle have mercy on your soul. It’s not a problem if you bought great seats right on the aisle, but if you’re sitting in the middle of your row, have some respect for the other fans and limit your upsy-downsies to just a couple of times per game. There’s nothing worse than the guy in the middle of the row getting up during every single break in the action.

Go ahead and harass the opposing players, but don’t go too far.
One of the great joys in life is sitting in the bleachers at Wrigley Field and yelling at the outfielders for the other team. There’s a line, though, and you’ll know it when you hear it. Personal attacks on a right fielder’s race or family are over the line. Personal attacks on the size of a right fielder’s ears are totally fine.

Don’t hassle the guy with the score card.
There’s a long-standing tradition at baseball games that predates the digital era in the most charming way. Some fans like to pick up a score card and keep score as the game goes on by marking down every pitch and every play. Think of it as a literary video of a day at the ballpark. It may seem strange if you’ve never been to a game before, but who are you to judge? It’s 2015 and this is your first MLB game!

If basketball is checkers, baseball is Risk.
You don’t go to the ballpark for fast-paced, edge-of-your-seat action. You go for a leisurely three hours watching one of America’s greatest contributions to the world. Instead of rooting for scoring, you should spend your time examining the nuances of the game. Baseball is a game of strategy and it involves winning a multitude of invisible wars from proper pitch selection to infielder placement to the intricacies of bunting. Some people may think of it like chess, but baseball is more like an athletic version of Risk.

It’s totally acceptable to bring your own glove.
Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.

If there’s a race of any sort involving costumed characters, you’re obligated to choose one.
At Miller Park in Milwaukee, you’ve got competing sausages. In Washington, the Presidents run the bases at Nationals Park. At various other stadiums around baseball, you’ve got pierogies, soda bottles, hot dogs, and power tools amongst other things. The bottom line is this: if there’s a race going on in between innings, you can’t just sit idly by. You need to pick your horse (or kielbasa, as the case may be) and cheer your head off. It’s the American way.

You don’t have to pay box office price

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By Jason Kessler