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15 Crazy Incentives NFL Teams Should Offer Free Agents

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By @nickmarsico

15 Crazy Incentives NFL Teams Should Offer Free Agents

Washington Redskins cheerleaders dance Tampa Bay Buccaneers at FedEx Field
Geoff Burke-US PRESSWIRE

Free agency is probably the best bargaining chip a man can have in his possession. If you're worth it, teams will go out of their way to give you what you want to agree to become a member of their roster. Check out 15 insane things that teams should offer the NFL's current top free agents.

15. Solid Gold Bust

NFL Class of 2014 Enshrinement Ceremony
Jason Miller/Getty Images

15. Solid Gold Bust

NFL Class of 2014 Enshrinement Ceremony
Jason Miller/Getty Images

Some athletes can be very self-involved. What better way to cater to a man's ego than by giving him a sculpture of his own face to entice him to sign a contract to join your team?

Incentive Bonus: Deion Sanders' Hall of Fame Bust

Deion Sanders Hall of Fame NFL: Pro Football Hall of Fame Enshrinement
Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

Incentive Bonus: Deion Sanders' Hall of Fame Bust

Deion Sanders Hall of Fame NFL: Pro Football Hall of Fame Enshrinement
Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

If your own bust isn't good enough, they can throw in the actual Hall of Fame bust made for Deion Sanders in 2011. It can come along with 52 bandannas! One for each week of the year!

14. Personal Bus Convoy

personal bus
Getty Images

14. Personal Bus Convoy

personal bus
Getty Images

Generally, if a guy wants his own tour bus, he has to pay for it himself and still has to travel with the team. Why not lure a guy out of free agency by giving him a swanky bus and telling him he can travel from game to game there if he wants? Buy him a few buses so he can bring all of his friends and family, and you've got yourself a new wide receiver.

13. Lifetime Supply of Bobblehead Dolls

bobbleheads
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13. Lifetime Supply of Bobblehead Dolls

bobbleheads
Getty images

Who the heck doesn't love bobbleheads? Want to sway an athlete from free agency? Give him a bobblehead for each game. Give him a new one when he shaves or gets a haircut. Give him one with all of the alternate jerseys, throwbacks, one with street clothes, dress clothes -- you get the point. Bobbleheads are sweet!

12. Their Own Cheerleaders

New Orleans Saints v Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Al Messerschmidt/Getty Images

12. Their Own Cheerleaders

New Orleans Saints v Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Al Messerschmidt/Getty Images

Everybody likes to have their own cheering section. The only thing better than having your own cheering section is having a bevvy of beauties as the ones who comprise that group.

11. Gourmet Food Service On the Sidelines

gourmet food
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11. Gourmet Food Service On the Sidelines

gourmet food
Getty Images

Hotdogs? Power Bars? Bah! I want some gourmet meals ready for me when the team goes back on defense. Get a free agent to sign by providing a menu on the sideline with a large variety of food and beverage options. And he doesn't have to share with the rest of the team if he doesn't want to.

Incentive Bonus: Doesn't Have To Be Gourmet

burger and shake
Ethan Miller/Getty Images

Incentive Bonus: Doesn't Have To Be Gourmet

burger and shake
Ethan Miller/Getty Images

Sometimes you aren't into a dish of smoked salmon and kale. That's when you can pig out on a burger and a shake or a big sausage and peppers. And it will be better than whatever the stadium sells at the food stands.

10. Guarantee of A Retired Number

New England Patriots v New York Jets
Al Bello/Getty Images

10. Guarantee of A Retired Number

New England Patriots v New York Jets
Al Bello/Getty Images

Want to give a guy some incentive to sign for your team? Tell him that you will give him a bit of immortality by retiring his number once he is done playing the game. If he's a little bit hesitant, tell him you'll retire the number before the first game of the season. That will feed the 'ol ego.

9. Let Him Choose the Team Colors

denver broncos
Getty Images

9. Let Him Choose the Team Colors

denver broncos
Getty Images

So he hates the colors your team currently wears, does he? Fine. You want him enough that he can change your team's iconic colors if that means he'll play quarterback for you. Heck, let him design the new uniforms while he's at it.

8. Rename the Gym and Practice Field

NFL: San Francisco 49ers-Training Camp
Ed Szczepanski-USA TODAY Sports

8. Rename the Gym and Practice Field

NFL: San Francisco 49ers-Training Camp
Ed Szczepanski-USA TODAY Sports

Keep the ego boosts coming! Rename your weight room and practice field for the player you're trying to get. It might not make him a lot of friends on the team though, especially if you also give him designated times where he can have the room to himself. You can also rename it for his mother -- football players LOVE their mothers.

7. Buy Him A House

big house
Jeff Vinnick/Getty Images

7. Buy Him A House

big house
Jeff Vinnick/Getty Images

Buy him a fancy place to live! This is good, especially if the guy is from far away. Make it a place big enough to have his whole family stay with him if he wants. Buy him two houses even! And the penthouse suite at the hotel for every away game.

Incentive Bonus: Buy Him A House In Every NFL City

Aaron Hernandez Home
Winslow Townson-USA TODAY Sports

Incentive Bonus: Buy Him A House In Every NFL City

Aaron Herndez Home
Winslow Townson-USA TODAY Sports

You'll probably end up bankrupting the team and you may have to let everyone go except for 11 guys on each side of the ball with no second or third string, but no other team is going to do this for a free agent. How bad do you want this guy?

6. All of the Merchandise Sales

Oakland Raiders Introduce Jack Del Rio
Justin Sullivan/Getty Images

6. All of the Merchandise Sales

Oakland Raiders Introduce Jack Del Rio
Justin Sullivan/Getty Images

If he's a free agent worth his money, chances are that he sells a lot of merch. Instead of a boring signing bonus or extra payouts for certain accomplishments, give the guy every cent that is made off of any merchandise that uses his name or likeness.

Incentive Bonus: 100% of The Next Most Popular Player's Merch

2010 NFL Draft Round 1
Jeff Zelevansky/Getty Images

Incentive Bonus: 100% of The Next Most Popular Player's Merch

2010 NFL Draft Round 1
Jeff Zelevansky/Getty Images

You've got your own merch and nobody else gets a cut. You can get the next highest merchandise money generating star's cut too! Or if you don't like somebody on the team you can take theirs, even if they don't make much in the first place.

5. Make Him the Franchise Co-Owner

Alabama v Arkansas jerry jones
Wesley Hitt/Getty Images

5. Make Him the Franchise Co-Owner

Alabama v Arkansas jerry jones
Wesley Hitt/Getty Images

Making a guy part owner of the team gives him plenty of freedom. For one, he can make decisions to get himself even more incentives. He can get rid of players he doesn't like, hire his friends -- he can run wild. He might drive the team into bankruptcy or the bottom of the standings, but that's a risk you're going to have to take.

4. Private Jet

jet airplane
Getty Images

4. Private Jet

jet airplane
Getty Images

Would the guy rather fly than take a bus around the country? Does he hate sharing? Here, buy him a plane that he can use to travel across the country. Heck, let him use it whenever he wants so he can take it on vacation. Just don't let him fly the plane.

Incentive Bonus: A Helicopter For Dramatic Entrances

helicopter
Getty Images

Incentive Bonus: A Helicopter For Dramatic Entrances

helicopter
Getty Images

A jet is nice, but even nicer is being able to make a dramatic grand entrance on the 50 yard line before every game. You want a guy to sign for your team, you give him this entrance and play "Flight of the Valkyries" while he makes his way down to the field.

3. Name A Sports Drink After Him

Indianapolis Colts Rookie Minicamp
Joe Robbins/Getty Images

3. Name A Sports Drink After Him

Indianapolis Colts Rookie Minicamp
Joe Robbins/Getty Images

Who needs Gatorade when you can have Ndamukongade? Okay, that doesn't really roll off the tongue. How about Devin McCourtade? DeMarco Murray Juice? I'm not the marketing team. This is just an idea, okay?

2. $10,000 Per Play

Money, NFL Season Withdrawals
Getty Images

2. $10,000 Per Play

Money, NFL Season Withdrawals
Getty Images

He doesn't even have to be involved. As long as he is one of the 11 men on the field during any given play, that's $ 10,000. Any man would be a fool not to agree to a deal like that.

1. Rename the Stadium After Him

General view of the inaugural football game at Levi's Stadium between the Denver Broncos and the San Francisco
Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

1. Rename the Stadium After Him

General view of the inaugural football game at Levi's Stadium between the Denver Broncos and the San Francisco
Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

Stadiums named after big corporations are no fun. Go back to the old days where they used to mean something. Of course, it's going to be a huge hit to the bottom line to rename Gillette Stadium, and I don't think the Pierre-Paul Dome is very inspiring. Maybe just nickname a stadium. Pernell McPheeville, perhaps?

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